What was left unsaid
by Believe78
Summary: A bar. Alicia. Peter. Scotch. Some Tequila. A fight. Reconciliation AP-style ;) Merry Christmas to my AP girls 3


Merry Christmas to my AP girls 3

I owe this idea once more to Kiki, though it turned out a little different than planned in the beginning thanks to a suggestion from Janet ;)

Thank you ladies for continuing to feed me with ideas 3

And as always: I don't own them :(

Enjoy :D

* * *

He had sat at the bar in the far end of the room now for a while. The drink in his hand was still half full and he let the ice-cube swirl around the amber liquid a few times. He had drowned the first one in one big gulp after entering the room about an hour ago but took his time with this one now. He hadn't come here to get drunk just to get away. His first impulse was to walk around outside after he had left the hotel room but with the snow it hadn't been an option. So he just had stood there in the cold for a few minutes, letting the chilly air cool his mind after the rather heated argument with Alicia. He knew he wasn't blameless in all this. His actions five years ago had brought them to this point and there didn't pass a day that he wasn't thankful he was still allowed to call her his wife. His guilt about what he had put his family through had kept him from saying anything, making any demands of her out of fear to endanger their current relationship. Though he kept wondering what kind of relationship it was. Surely not one that was normal between a married couple. He admitted that he had been responsible for taking the normal out of their marriage but what they had now was no longer enough for him. He sometimes wondered if divorce would be preferable over this insecurity he kept feeling about what still being with him meant to Alicia. He knew it would never go back to the way it was before his betrayal but he believed that they could still make it work as a couple, not only as parents and in supporting one another professionally. He knew he still loved her, now probably more than he had done in a long time. He had said it once to Kalinda, that he had fallen in love with her again and this hadn't been just empty words but the truth. Alicia had changed so much in the last years and though he knew most of it was due to his unfaithfulness, he welcomed her transformation from housewife/mother to this power-woman she had become. He had told her once before that she reminded him of the girl he got to know all those years ago when she was just about to graduate from law school; full of enthusiasm to conquer the world. This in combination with her believe in the good in people was one thing that made him fall in love with her. The latter combined with her strong will to make it back after 13 years away from the law had made him fall for her again. Maybe even more this time as he knew how it felt to lose her. He had kicked himself many times for not encouraging her earlier to get back to working after she had let her career take a backseat to the needs of the kids and his political ambitions. He sometimes wondered if they'd be in the same place if he had.

He shook his head at his own thoughts. It was pointless to linger on what ifs. There were more pressing issues at hand, like how to calm the waters after the earlier fight. He knew hiding wasn't a solution but he hadn't known what else to do earlier. So he had left, not only to keep himself from saying words he'd probably regret forever but also to give them both the chance to calm down. He knew he had forced this argument somehow as the idea behind this trip, he had taken Alicia on, was a chance to get some alone time with her. Time being the most precious thing to both of them as they had so little of it lately. There were a lot of things they needed to talk about as far as he was concerned and he was glad as she agreed to this vacation. He couldn't recall how the casual conversation they shared had turned into an argument about why she had left L&G and their living situation. One word let to the other and soon he caught himself starting to ask the question he had held back since she had told him she was going to start her own firm. Did you do it to get away from Will? He had bit his tongue just in time and left the room without another word as he wasn't sure he'd want to know the truth.

"I thought I'd find you here." her voice startled him. He kept his glance on his glass, taking another sip from his drink. He noticed her sitting down on the stool next to him. His first impulse was to apologize to her right away but he forced himself to not even look around. This fight had been her fault as much as his and he would not give in first this time though he needed all his will power not to. The cell in his pocket started vibrating again as it had done repeatedly during the last hour. He had not checked the caller earlier, thinking it was Alicia but now that she was sitting next to him he reached for it, raising an eyebrow as he saw who was calling.

"Hi Eli." he answered casually while preparing himself for trouble. He had explicitly told Eli only to call him in an absolute emergency and counting on his chief-of-staff to do so, he knew the news weren't good.

"Finally! We have a problem, Peter. Can you talk?" he knew from the tone in Eli's voice that he was right.

"One moment, Eli." he stood from his chair and left the room quickly, not paying attention to Alicia's puzzled glance.

He returned a few minutes later. His mood even worse, if possible. He gave the bartender a sign to pour him another scotch while he sat down on his stool again.

"And a tequila, please." he told the bartender as he placed his drink in front of him, gesturing towards Alicia.

"You'll need it." he replied to her unspoken question.

He waited until Alicia had gotten her drink as well before he spoke.

"Congratulations. We'll be in the papers again tomorrow. But this time it's thanks to you." he raised his glass, fully aware of the sarcastic tone in his words.

She watched him motionless, the drink in front of her still untouched. He emptied his own, putting the glass down hard, already searching for eye contact with the barkeeper to get another one. Maybe he'd get drunk after all.

"Will you tell me what you are talking about?" she snapped at him, the amicable tone from earlier gone from her voice.

"Will is a good cue." he sneered. "You and him will grace the front page tomorrow. Your affair got out." he reached for his fresh drink and took another big gulp.

"What?" she gasped.

"Yes. Eli checked. This time it's you who'll make the tabloids. I know you feared it before when they framed me with that campaign worker." he watched her eyes widen, shock taking over her features.

"You think Eli didn't tell me you thought they had proof on your little adventure with Gardner?" she didn't need to answer. He saw in her eyes she had believed Eli had kept her secret.

"Peter..." her glance left his face, casting down her eyes, like she had no idea what else to say.

"Makes me wonder what else you never told me? What other secrets you keep?" he stared down into his half-empty glass, feeling the craving to drain it and order the next but he didn't. He just watched the ice-cube dancing in the liquid. He knew he shouldn't continue drinking if the questions that already bubbled up inside of him again should stay unasked. He wondered why this bothered him so much all of a sudden. He had made his peace with Alicia's affair long ago. Acknowledged that knowing she had slept with Will was the price he had to pay for the pain he put her through. Maybe it was the fact that they weren't able to put this episode behind them. Which he believed would never happen if they went on ignoring it. He already regretted his words, the spite in which he had said them and he knew they had hurt her as she still had her gaze on the floor. He wanted to apologize for them but lacked the words to explain her why he had said them. He eventually drank the last sip from his scotch, shaking his head at the questioning look of the barkeeper who was ready to pour him a fresh one. He knew he had enough for tonight. He turned his head towards her, slowly putting his hand on hers, that lay on the wooden surface of the bar. She lifted her head, watching him with a hint of sadness in her eyes, he had not seen in them for a long time.

"I'm sorry, Alicia. It's not your fault. It just seems that this will haunt us forever." he sighed, squeezing her hand lightly.

"But it is my fault. If I had been more careful or better never started it at all, none of this would be happening." she pulled her hand out from under his and reached for the drink in front of her. She drained it and Peter gave the bartender a sign to bring her another one.

"None of this had happened if I had stayed faithful to you. So, if we are allocating blame, I'll take it." he said after the fresh drink was placed in front of Alicia. She just nodded at his words, reaching for her glass, spinning it between her fingers.

"I'm no longer mad at you. Do I wish I never knew you slept with him? Yes, but now I see it as my punishment for the hurt I caused you and the pain I felt when I learned of it as a reminder never to put you through this again. I meant it when you asked me to promise that." his eyes found hers seeking for confirmation that she believed him.

"I know, Peter." she put her drink down and placed her hand on top of his, a tiny smile appearing on her lips.

"Did you..." he trailed of, still not daring to ask what bothered him most.

"Did I what?" she asked softly, her thumb drawing circles on the back of his hand. He slightly shook his head, hoping she'd let it rest.

"You started talking, Peter. Please go on now. Wasn't this the purpose of this trip? To have more time to talk, really talk, not just rushed necessities in passing. I think we need to do just that." she kept on caressing his hand, interlacing their fingers. He inhaled sharply, surprised about her words. He had been under the impression she had no need to talk more, having appeased most of his attempts on a conversation.

"I always thought you...Never mind." his glance left her face, staring at a point behind her as he was still not sure she really wanted to talk.

"No, Peter. Say what's on your mind. I know, I never responded when you tried to talk about us, about Will, about where we stand. I thought we didn't need to, we could skip that, but I guess we can't. I know you wanted to do so for a while and if my affair really got out we need to."

"So, you only agree to talk because of this? And if it hadn't gotten out? You'd still give me the silent treatment? Yes, we need to talk but the reason should be to make us work again not because of Will Gardner." he suddenly felt rage rising inside of him again. He reached for his glass, downing the last few drops. He waved the barkeeper for another one, pushing the thought that he probably shouldn't from his mind.

"No, Peter. You misunderstood. It made me realize that you are right. That we have to deal with it." she reached for her own drink but just took a small sip of the clear liquid.

"Yes, we have to deal with it. We dealt with my mistakes but you refuse to discuss yours. I'm not questioning that you want to talk now, I just wonder what your motives are? Us or trying to protect Will Gardner?" he hissed after taking another long sip from his scotch.

"I certainly refuse to talk to you right now. Go on, Peter. Get drunk. But don't expect me to sit here and watch." she snapped back. She emptied her shot and got up. He watched her leave, already feeling remorse for ruining the best opportunity to get her to talk he'd had in a long time.

She knew she was doing the same thing as he had done earlier while they had fought. She fled from the argument that was inevitably coming and she didn't even know why. She'd known for a while now that they couldn't avoid talking more. And when Peter told her that her affair was about to become public she knew that time was now. She had realized the moment Peter suggested this trip what the main purpose should be and had actually welcomed this chance to finally have the time to deal with all their issues. But it seemed to be harder to discuss them in a proper way than she had thought. She wasn't mad at Peter for saying these things, she just couldn't bear it in there anymore, out in the open, for strangers to hear. So she ran and realized too late she had taken the wrong exit. This one didn't lead to the lobby but to the restrooms. She wasn't ready to go back out there and pass by Peter again. She had no doubt he was still sitting there, if he had seen her taking the wrong way out, waiting for her to return. So she went into the lady's room to gain some time and calm down. Luckily the room was empty. She walked over to the sink, splashing some cold water on her face, letting the conversation with Peter run through her mind again. She felt the effect of the two tequilas in her head. No wonder as she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and the fight had killed their dinner plans. She sighed, reaching for a towel to dry her face when a sound behind her made her look up into the mirror. She saw Peter standing at the door.

"This is the lady's room." she didn't turn around, just kept watching his reflection.

"I know." he slowly walked towards her until he stood directly behind her. He didn't touch her but she could feel his warmth on her back and his glance on her face through the mirror.

"I'm sorry, Alicia." he gently pushed her hair away to place a kiss on her neck. She tried not to let it affect her but she knew she'd lost that battle with herself the moment his lips touched her skin. She leaned back against his chest, a small sigh escaping her as his arms slid around her waist.

"I'm sorry, too." she turned in his embrace, looking up in his eyes, detecting contrition and sadness in them.

"I did mean it when I told you I wanted to renew our vows. That's what you wanted to ask me earlier, right?" she whispered, still holding his gaze. He nodded and she thought she saw some relief in his features.

"I thought I was clear on that. What made you doubt my words?" she rested her hands on his chest, searching for an answer in his eyes. He sighed deeply.

"Stupid things like jealousy and your refusal to talk." he admitted, shutting his eyes while his arms drew her closer.

"I see. But you know that it's over and has been for a long time?" she watched him nod again.

"As I said, stupid things I can't help but feel sometimes though I know I shouldn't. I should be happy that you're still with me. And I am albeit I keep asking myself why." he opened his eyes again, a sad smile on his lips.

"There are many reasons for me not to be with you anymore but none of these outweighs that I still love you. Is that reason enough for you?" she reached up, cupping his cheek in her hand.

"That's the only reason that counts." he replied, leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips. She returned the kiss that soon got more heated, her fingers finding their way to his neck, drawing him even closer. They broke apart for air, their foreheads touching, her fingers gently running through his hair. He slowly pushed her back towards the washstand while his lips found hers again.

"Peter, What..?" she pulled back a little, looking at him bewildered. He just smiled at her, his fingers starting to unbutton her blouse.

"Seriously? Here?" she whispered but made no attempt to stop him. She couldn't deny the arousal that had built inside her since the moment he had stepped behind her earlier and would be lying if she didn't wanted him as much as the need for her she saw in his eyes right now.

"I remember you wanted to take me to a bathroom once." he murmured while he trailed kisses down her cheek.

"True." she laughed softly at the memory. "But the door?" she reached for his face, making him look at her.

"Locked it when I came in. Relax." he sealed her lips with another passionate kiss while he lifted her up on the marble surface of the washstand. Her hands pulled at his shirt, traveling upwards caressing his chest lightly with her fingertips. His fingers resumed their work on her blouse until it was completely opened. His lips took up their trail again, now down her throat and further towards her breasts. He placed open mouth kisses on one of them while his fingers stroked the other one making her whimper and her peeks harden under the treatment. He knelt down in front of her and she helped him to push up her skirt. He kissed his way from her knee up over her thigh until his lips reached her panties. She felt his hand on her hip and a second later she heard a snap. Peter had torn the thin fabric and was now pulling the rest of the garment from under her body.

"So little patience, Mr. Governor." she sighed, reaching for his tie to pull him in a standing position again. He chuckled as he leaned in to kiss her on the lips and she felt his own arousal pressed against her stomach. She reached for his belt, opening it and unbuttoned his pants which slid down to the floor. She stroked lightly over his hard-on, making him groan into the kiss. She felt his hands on both her thighs, one slowly wandering upwards until his fingers parted her folds, caressing her smoothly. She arched back as he continued stroking her with more pressure. It felt amazing but she needed more. She sat up, breaking the kiss to reach for his briefs, pulling them down so they joined his pants on the floor. He stopped his caressing, drawing his fingers from her body. He pulled her forward and entered her in one fluid motion causing them both to moan. Once fully joined he stopped moving and his lips found hers once more for an unhurried kiss. She interlaced her fingers behind his neck, pressing her upper body against his chest. He started moving again slowly but soon picked up his pace. She let herself fall backwards against the mirror, crossing her legs around his body which changed the angle of his thrusts. He bent down to silence her cries of pleasure with another kiss, stopping his motions entirely.

"Peter..!" she whimpered, her eyes pleading with him not to stop. She grabbed his shirt as he kept on kissing her hungrily. She fell over the edge the moment he started moving again and he followed her shortly afterwards. His arms pulled her towards his chest as they both slowly came back down to earth.

"If we always make up like this, we should fight more often." he whispered into her ear, still holding her close. She laughed lightly at his words, nodding her head.

"But let's continue in our room upstairs." she cupped his cheek in her hand, her thumb brushing softly over his lips.

"Continue what? The fighting or the making up?" he smirked at her.

"Maybe both." she winked at him, leaning in for another kiss.

* * *

When he woke the next morning Alicia lay cuddled at his side, her head resting on his chest. He smiled at the memory of the last night. There had been no more fighting, just more making up. He knew they had more talking ahead of them but was also confident they'd make it. He pulled her gently closer, placing a light kiss on her head when his phone on the nightstand vibrated. He carefully reached for it, trying not to wake Alicia, to check the caller.

"Good morning, Eli." he greeted his chief-of-staff in a low voice. He listened to Eli's words when he felt Alicia stir in his arms, slowly opening her eyes. She looked up, propping her arms up on his chest.

"Who is it?" she silently asked him.

"One moment, Eli." he put the phone on hold.

"The story came out this morning. The press is pestering Eli for a comment from us." he told her, his other hand drawing soothing circles on her upper arm.

"Tell Eli to tell them that we're good." she smiled at him.

"Are we?" he asked her hesitantly.

"I know we will be."

* * *

A few days later Will Gardner opened the newspaper for the first time in days. The press had been after him since the news about Alicia's and his affair had gotten out. He had hoped she'd call him to talk but she hadn't. He skimmed the first pages and was relieved not to see his face under another lurid headline. He turned the page and his glance fell on a picture of Alicia. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. The story hadn't disappeared just gone from the front page to page six. This was no comfort at all. He opened his eyes again, wanting to skip to the sports section as fast as possible when he saw the other pictures that belonged to the article. They showed Alicia and Peter walking next to each other, holding hands in snow-covered woods. One showed them kissing and the last one was of Alicia smiling happily at her husband whose back was to the camera. He sighed again as he read the caption underneath the photos:

_Governor Florrick and his wife: They're even and look happier than ever_


End file.
